Self-confidence plays a critical role in self-defense. How we stand, walk, and carry ourselves communicates to the world how we feel about ourselves. People pay more attention to our body language than we think they do. And they respond to what they see, and what they think they can get away with.
This really hit home when I was teaching one of my self-defense classes for women. There were several grown women and two petite teenagers in the class. The girls were sisters, and they were adorable. One was very chatty and outgoing, and the other one was extremely quiet and reserved. They were accompanied by their grandmother, who had decided they should all take the class together.
It usually takes some time for women to feel comfortable in a self-defense class, and this group was no exception. However, eventually they began to get into the spirit of the class. They even started to have fun with it, which is always one of my goals.
The quiet teenager hung back and silently watched the rest of us play with a few techniques and walk through several different scenarios. I thought she was just shy, so I made an effort to engage with her and make her part of the group. After a few moments I said, “Now let’s pretend that someone is picking on you at school.” She shot a look at her grandmother. The room got very quiet. Finally her grandmother said, “That’s exactly what’s happening, and why I brought her here.”
Ahh, that explained her demeanor and her body language. I wished I could go to school with her the next day and protect her from her tormentor. But that wasn’t practical. Instead, I continued teaching from a slightly different perspective. And I made sure this girl was front and center.
Pretty soon, something remarkable happened. She began standing taller (all five feet of her), and started looking me in the eye. She paid closer attention to what we were doing and got a lot more talkative, although not nearly as loquacious as her sister. Eventually I slid up beside her and whispered, “You’re getting it now, aren’t you?”
I wish you could have seen the look she gave me. She had a gleam in her eye and a knowing smile on her beautiful face. As a matter of fact, she actually glowed with a wisdom well beyond her years. She nodded her head and replied, “Oh, yeah. I get it.” I could see her self-confidence increase as the class continued. It was a beautiful sight to behold.
Two weeks later I received an email from her grandmother. She informed me her granddaughter told her that one self-defense class changed her life forever. She wasn’t being picked on any longer and was enjoying going to school again. Or at least, as much as any teenager can enjoy school.
I would love to know how the final confrontation went down. I would have given anything to see how she stood her ground. Most of all, I would have loved to see how her tormentor responded. Especially since I know it was done in a non-violent manner. Sometimes all you have to do is walk tall, look people in the eye, and stand your ground. After all, the best offense is a good defense. And self-confidence is the best self-defense. Wouldn’t you agree?